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The Preacher's Son

An old country preacher had a teenage son and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young men his age, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do and he didn't seem too concerned about it.

One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four objects: A Bible A silver dollar A bottle of whiskey A Playboy magazine

"I'll just hide behind the Door," the old preacher said to himself. "When he comes home from school today, I'll see which object he picks up."

"If it's the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me, and what a blessing that would be! If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a business man, and that would be okay, too. But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good drunken bum, and Lord, what a shame that would be. And worst of all if he picks up that magazine he's going to be a skirt-chasing womanizer."

The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's foot-steps as he entered the house whistling and headed for his room. The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table. With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them. Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink, while he admired this month's centerfold.

"Lord have mercy," the old Preacher disgustedly whispered. "He's gonna run for Congress."

 
The Stripper and The Soldiers
The soldiers are tired and lonely after spending weeks in enemy territory. To entertain them, the Major called for this sexy dancer from the nearby town. 

She came, danced and when the first dance was done, the soldiers went mad. They clapped for 5 minutes. 

For her second number, she stripped and danced in sheer bra and G-string. This time the applause went for 10 minutes. 

The next number she danced topless, and this time the applause went on and on. The Major had to come on stage and ask them to quiet down for the grand finale. 

For her last number, she was to strip completely and dance naked. The Major expected the soldiers to make enough noise to bring the roofdown. But ten minutes later, there is no clapping and the dancer comes backstage. 

The Major asks her, "What happened? How come there was no clapping this time?" 

She replied with a wicked smile, "Major, how do you expect those poor boys to clap with one hand?"
 
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