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On My Way To A Lecture
An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.

The man replies, "I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying late."

The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving the lecture at this time of night?"

The man replies, "That would be my wife."
 
Good Salesman
A young Aussie lad moved to London and went to Harrods looking for a job. The manager asked 'Do you have any sales experience?'

The young man answered 'Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Dubbo.' The manager liked the Aussie so he gave him the job.

His first day was challenging and busy, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the manager came down and asked, 'OK, so how many sales did you make today?' The Aussie said 'One!'

The manager groaned and continued, 'Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?' '£124,237.64p.'

The manager choked and exclaimed £124,237.64!! What the hell did you sell him?' 'Well, first I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium fish hook and then I sold him a new fishing rod.' 'Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down at the coast, so I told him he would need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him that twin-engine Power Cat.' 'Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to car sales and I sold him the 4 x4

The manager, incredulous, said, 'You mean to tell me...a guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a 4x4?' 'No, no, no... he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his lady friend and I said... 'Well, since your weekend's buggered, you might as well go fishing.'
 
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