Letters from British Council flat tenants, complaining to the Council about problems with their flats:

1.  My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it

2.  He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it any more

3.  It's the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow

4.  I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off

5.  I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage

6.  And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against our fence

7.  I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof.  I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off

8.  I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen

9.  I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers

10.  The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared

11.   I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6 am his cock wakes me up and its now getting too much for me

12.  The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous

13.  Our kitchen floor is damp.  We have two children and would like a third so please send someone round to do something about it

14.  I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night

15.    Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife

16.    I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction