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Adult Jokes

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I Will Do Anything

A blond goes into a worldwide message center to send a message to her mother in Poland. When the man tells her that it will cost her $300, she exclaims," I don't have that much money. I'll do anything to get a message to my mother!"
To that the man asks, "Anything?"
And the blond says, "Yes, anything!"
With that the man says, "Follow me."
He walks into the next room and tells her, "Come in and close the door."
She does this and then he says, "Get on your knees."
She does. He then says, "Take down my zipper."
She does. Then he says, "Go ahead, take it out."
With that, she takes it out and holds it with both hands. And then the man says somewhat impatiently, "Well, go ahead!"
She then brings her mouth closer to it, and while holding it very closely to her lips, she says," Hello, Mom?"

Blonde Wish

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on an island.One day, the three of them are walking along the beach and discover a magic lamp. They rub and rub, and sure enough, out pops a genie.

The genie says, “Since I can only grant three wishes, you may each have one.”

The brunette says, “I’ve been stuck here for years. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I just want to go home.”

POOF! The brunette gets her wish and she is returned to her family.

Then, the red head says, “I’ve been stuck here for years as well. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I wish I could go home too.”

POOF! The redhead gets her wish and she is returned to her family.

The blonde starts crying uncontrollably.

The genie asks, “My dear, what’s the matter?”

The blonde whimpers, “I wish my friends were still here.”

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